Jess and I are both now on Twitter. You should follow us there (and/or on facebook). We've apparently been too busy and/or lazy to keep posting here. Maybe we'll do better...maybe.
A quick update seems in order. Peter is over a year old now. He cruises, but doesn't walk unassisted, yet. We painted our living room at the end of the summer, just in time for Peter's first birthday party. Both the painting and the party were a huge success.
Jessica will be working as a peer counselor for breast feeding moms on WIC, which is great for those moms and our budget. I've been able to sub only once so far this year, but I'm scheduled for the middle school this Friday, so that's helping to get the bills paid, too. Also coming up, I've been called for jury duty. It pays $40 a day plus mileage. So, yes, I am excited about jury duty.
I'm still taking pictures for Village Photographers, and I've got a couple of events coming up in October and November. It's looking promising for grads in December as well. We have more than usual, and I look available for all of the days. Also photo related, a family friend gave me a significant amount of her late husband's camera equipment. That's been very helpful in allowing me to start taking more portfolio shots in the hopes of getting some more independent photography work.
Things are going pretty well at our church. We're trying to cast a more specific vision for what we are trying to achieve in and with our youth group. A few other tweeks are coming down the pipe, but I won't bore you with any of that.
One last thing, go see Courageous and take some tissues with you. It'll do you good, especially if you are a father.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
In Memorium of Malachi Peterson-Caspers
Our family is now down to only three.
Go to the original post on Paul's personal blog at WordPress.
http://pecaspers.wordpress.com/2011/03/15/in-memorium-of-malachi/
Go to the original post on Paul's personal blog at WordPress.
http://pecaspers.wordpress.com/2011/03/15/in-memorium-of-malachi/
Saturday, February 26, 2011
My Birth story
Birth story
Labor and Delivery: Play by Play - Read the warning first!
Warning: For posterity and for other moms to be, I'm recording my labor and delivery experience... all of it! If you're squeamish or you just don't want to know, then don't read this.
If you read the last post I made before Peter came, I had a prenatal check up on August 17 my official due date. The doctor had told us to come in at 7am on Wednesday August 18 to have labor induced. I was only one day overdue but my blood pressure was up so they decided to go ahead and induce. Paul and I went back to Tallassee and got the house ready. Everything clean, sheets changed, dishes washed, clutter picked up, bags packed, car loaded and cat fed. We laid down around 11 and Paul dozed but I never really fell asleep. First I was just a little uncomfortable, then I was really uncomfortable, then I was in some pain, then I was in a lot of pain. I got up and walked around a little but it didn't really feel like contractions, at least not like my braxton hicks ones and they didn't seem regular but the pain was so bad I decided to call the doctor at three anyway. He said to go ahead and come in since we were already planning on it. In the time that it took us to get up, get ready, and walk out the door my contractions got regular, about two minutes apart, and intense. We headed for the hospital at 3:43am and made the 45 minute drive in about 25 minutes. At least, Paul says we got there that fast. Hunched over in the passenger seat, I think they moved Opelika like three hours away! Once we got there they took me back (alone) and got me settled into my room and bed. I got an IV and some staydol (I think that's how you spell it. It's a pain med that makes you a little drowsy. And I was more than ready to get some pain help at that point.) and answered about a gazillion questions. When did I last eat? Was I taking any medicines? Was my relationship with the baby's father abusive? No lie, they ask that. I told the nurse I had a poptart on my way to the hospital and assured her that I have a very loving husband. Then she decided to check me about which I was glad about because I just KNEW I was going to be pretty far along. I had been two cm the day before at the doctors office and had now been having pretty intense contractions for a couple of hours. So she checks and.... two cm! I couldn't believe it. They went ahead and started me on the smallest dose of pitocin and then the waiting began.
I already called my mom when we left for the hospital and she and my sister arrived just a little bit after we did. Paul's mom and sister also came that morning. My contractions were still pretty regular and still pretty intense but tolerable. Plus EAMC lets you have Jello and Sprite! And I am a firm believer that everything is more tolerable if there's food. Believe it or not, the hunger that had been one of the things I was most scared about. By 8 or 9 the doctor on call (not my regular ob) came in to check me again. I had progressed to about 4 cm We talked about whether or not I would be getting an epidural because she wanted to break my water but would rather I get the epidural first. I was still wavering about whether I wanted one because I just wanted to wait and see how bad it would get. Now, I have NO problem with drugs but an epidural (as all procedures) does have some pretty substantial risks so I didn't want one if I didn't NEED it. I told her I wanted to keep waiting and she decided to go ahead and put a foley bulb in to help me progress more. As I understand it, they put this thing up past your uterus, inflate it, then as your contractions push it out it encourages your cervix to dialate more. I had never heard of it before but I liked the idea of it and if any of you ladies are anti-pitocin, this is probably a good way to go. I was already on a low drip of pitocin that seemed to be working great, but the doctor just wanted to help it along a little. So she puts it in (not terribly comfortable, but not horrible) and then she tells me it will probably make my contractions worse... WHAM!... I think I'll be having that epidural now. So they call the anestiesiologist and start giving me fluids. It will take about an hour and everybody but one person must leave the room when they come. Now up until this point Paul has been in the room (with his daddy pass) and my mom/sister have been rotating in and out with Paul's mom/sister (sharing the two visitor passes). A short discussion later, my mom stayed and Paul went to the waiting room with everyone else. The epidural.. ugh...great once I had it... not fun to get. You sit on the edge of your bed and hunch over the person that is waiting with you so that your back is rounded and then for several minutes you hold VERY still. Now keep in mind, you are in LABOR the whole time! It really didn't hurt that bad because they give you a bunch of little shots to numb the area that they put the big needle in. Then they put the big needle in the middle of your back and I was totally unable to hold still. I was freaking out and I'm not really sure why. God bless that doctor, he did so good, but I was crying and shaking and the more I tried to hold still the more I shook. They did finally get it in and I didn't really feel it going in at all. They warn you that you might hear "a crunching sound" which I did not hear (thank goodness!) cause that would have freaked me out even more. Then they put a lot of tape around it and let you lay back down and wait for the meds to kick in. I've heard people say before that their epidural didn't work or didn't work very well... mine worked great! After about an hour I was completely numb from the top of my stomach down. I couldn't even move my legs so any time they checked me they had to move my legs for me. In my opinion... epidural=good idea!
After the epidural had taken effect they put a catheder in (weird!) and broke my water (also weird!). I think the foley bulb had already come out at that point but my water did have like a brown green tinge to it which meant Peter had already had a poopy. When that happens they want to be careful to make sure that the baby doesn't breathe any of the poop in as it's being born. It's called "meconium aspiration" and it's bad. Throughout the end of my pregnancy I kept waiting for Peter to "drop" and start to engage into the birth canal and the little stinker never would! So when they broke my water the nurse had to practically lay on my tummy to press Peter down into my hips. So by now it's 11 am, I am 5 cm, have been in labor for about 10 hrs and am now very comfortable. I had some more jello and sprite and I even took a little nap. I think Paul had one too! At about 3 the doctor came and checked me again and the time had come for pushing! They said I could only keep two people in the room and Samantha couldn't get out fast enough...I think she thought the baby might pop out and into her arms!
They warned me that first time moms sometimes push for about two hours and I thought "NO WAY". So push, push, push we did. Now, if you've never tried to push a baby out with the bottom half of your body paralyzed let me give you an idea of what it's like.... Nurse: "Okay Jessica, you have another contraction coming so we're gonna get ready to push" Me: "I do?" Nurse: "Yes, you do. Okay grandma and dad, let's hold her legs up and don't squeeze too tight because you will bruise her and not realize it. Okay... and push... push... push" Me: "Am I pushing?" It's really hard to tell if you're getting anywhere if you can't feel anything. So we did that for about an hour, pushing three or four times every couple of minutes and I was absolutely exhausted. I hadn't really slept in days and I had been fat pregnant for what seemed like years so it didn't take much to get me tired and this was HARD work. Thank goodness for the epidural because I don't think I could have coped with the exhaustion and the pain. At that point they let me lay back and rest for about 30 minutes and I'm pretty sure I fell asleep. In fact, I was so tired I was falling asleep in between pushs. After my rest the doctor came in to check on me (this is about 4:15pm). Peter had moved down a lot but was facing the wrong direction. Apparently babies should have their face toward mom's back on their way out and Peter was facing my belly. So the doctor turned him (which as you'll recall they turned him lengthwise about three weeks before). After that the doctor could tell that the pushes were much more effective and we were getting close. This whole time I still had one huge question in my mind... "will he fit?" I did NOT want to have to have gone through all this labor just to be wheeled away for a C-section at the last minute. I also knew in my heart that Peter was going to be a very big baby and the doctor had also metioned that this might have been the reason he was breech because my body just knew he wouldn't fit. So the whole time I am thinking.. "is he going to fit?" "can I still do this vaginally?" Well at about 4:30 the answer was a resounding "YES" we were about to have a baby! So I keep pushing and they start prepping the room and calling my doctor (who had said that he would stop by when he got out of the office at 5). At about 5:10 they tell me to stop pushing because the baby is almost out and the doctor is on his way. I insisted that the fabulous nurse who had been with me the whole time could just deliver him but she convinced me to wait a little longer. So Dr. Golden came in and out came Peter at 5:21pm! My epideral was still working great and because I was so excited I didn't even feel him come out. They set him on my tummy all gross and crying and at that moment... I was in love. I started crying and we took lots and lots of pictures! The nurse checked him out and cleaned him up and the doctor started the long process of stitching my back up (Peter's lovely shaped head was paid for dearly). They had to cut me and I tore a little too (a 3.5 I think)! I texted my dad (who was in New York) a picture of him and pretty soon the nurse asked if I wanted my family to come back. No sooner had she made the call than we could here Samantha (now Aunt Mantny) tearing down the hallway. The next day and a half were a little blur. I remember asking for chick-fil-a about an hour after he was born (I was starving). Seeing a number of nurses and doctors. Struggling to breastfeed. And sleeping on my tummy again... how wonderful! I'm sure I have left out some very important things, but that's all I got for now.
Update 6 months later... We are officially done paying hospital bills!
Labor and Delivery: Play by Play - Read the warning first!
Warning: For posterity and for other moms to be, I'm recording my labor and delivery experience... all of it! If you're squeamish or you just don't want to know, then don't read this.
If you read the last post I made before Peter came, I had a prenatal check up on August 17 my official due date. The doctor had told us to come in at 7am on Wednesday August 18 to have labor induced. I was only one day overdue but my blood pressure was up so they decided to go ahead and induce. Paul and I went back to Tallassee and got the house ready. Everything clean, sheets changed, dishes washed, clutter picked up, bags packed, car loaded and cat fed. We laid down around 11 and Paul dozed but I never really fell asleep. First I was just a little uncomfortable, then I was really uncomfortable, then I was in some pain, then I was in a lot of pain. I got up and walked around a little but it didn't really feel like contractions, at least not like my braxton hicks ones and they didn't seem regular but the pain was so bad I decided to call the doctor at three anyway. He said to go ahead and come in since we were already planning on it. In the time that it took us to get up, get ready, and walk out the door my contractions got regular, about two minutes apart, and intense. We headed for the hospital at 3:43am and made the 45 minute drive in about 25 minutes. At least, Paul says we got there that fast. Hunched over in the passenger seat, I think they moved Opelika like three hours away! Once we got there they took me back (alone) and got me settled into my room and bed. I got an IV and some staydol (I think that's how you spell it. It's a pain med that makes you a little drowsy. And I was more than ready to get some pain help at that point.) and answered about a gazillion questions. When did I last eat? Was I taking any medicines? Was my relationship with the baby's father abusive? No lie, they ask that. I told the nurse I had a poptart on my way to the hospital and assured her that I have a very loving husband. Then she decided to check me about which I was glad about because I just KNEW I was going to be pretty far along. I had been two cm the day before at the doctors office and had now been having pretty intense contractions for a couple of hours. So she checks and.... two cm! I couldn't believe it. They went ahead and started me on the smallest dose of pitocin and then the waiting began.
I already called my mom when we left for the hospital and she and my sister arrived just a little bit after we did. Paul's mom and sister also came that morning. My contractions were still pretty regular and still pretty intense but tolerable. Plus EAMC lets you have Jello and Sprite! And I am a firm believer that everything is more tolerable if there's food. Believe it or not, the hunger that had been one of the things I was most scared about. By 8 or 9 the doctor on call (not my regular ob) came in to check me again. I had progressed to about 4 cm We talked about whether or not I would be getting an epidural because she wanted to break my water but would rather I get the epidural first. I was still wavering about whether I wanted one because I just wanted to wait and see how bad it would get. Now, I have NO problem with drugs but an epidural (as all procedures) does have some pretty substantial risks so I didn't want one if I didn't NEED it. I told her I wanted to keep waiting and she decided to go ahead and put a foley bulb in to help me progress more. As I understand it, they put this thing up past your uterus, inflate it, then as your contractions push it out it encourages your cervix to dialate more. I had never heard of it before but I liked the idea of it and if any of you ladies are anti-pitocin, this is probably a good way to go. I was already on a low drip of pitocin that seemed to be working great, but the doctor just wanted to help it along a little. So she puts it in (not terribly comfortable, but not horrible) and then she tells me it will probably make my contractions worse... WHAM!... I think I'll be having that epidural now. So they call the anestiesiologist and start giving me fluids. It will take about an hour and everybody but one person must leave the room when they come. Now up until this point Paul has been in the room (with his daddy pass) and my mom/sister have been rotating in and out with Paul's mom/sister (sharing the two visitor passes). A short discussion later, my mom stayed and Paul went to the waiting room with everyone else. The epidural.. ugh...great once I had it... not fun to get. You sit on the edge of your bed and hunch over the person that is waiting with you so that your back is rounded and then for several minutes you hold VERY still. Now keep in mind, you are in LABOR the whole time! It really didn't hurt that bad because they give you a bunch of little shots to numb the area that they put the big needle in. Then they put the big needle in the middle of your back and I was totally unable to hold still. I was freaking out and I'm not really sure why. God bless that doctor, he did so good, but I was crying and shaking and the more I tried to hold still the more I shook. They did finally get it in and I didn't really feel it going in at all. They warn you that you might hear "a crunching sound" which I did not hear (thank goodness!) cause that would have freaked me out even more. Then they put a lot of tape around it and let you lay back down and wait for the meds to kick in. I've heard people say before that their epidural didn't work or didn't work very well... mine worked great! After about an hour I was completely numb from the top of my stomach down. I couldn't even move my legs so any time they checked me they had to move my legs for me. In my opinion... epidural=good idea!
After the epidural had taken effect they put a catheder in (weird!) and broke my water (also weird!). I think the foley bulb had already come out at that point but my water did have like a brown green tinge to it which meant Peter had already had a poopy. When that happens they want to be careful to make sure that the baby doesn't breathe any of the poop in as it's being born. It's called "meconium aspiration" and it's bad. Throughout the end of my pregnancy I kept waiting for Peter to "drop" and start to engage into the birth canal and the little stinker never would! So when they broke my water the nurse had to practically lay on my tummy to press Peter down into my hips. So by now it's 11 am, I am 5 cm, have been in labor for about 10 hrs and am now very comfortable. I had some more jello and sprite and I even took a little nap. I think Paul had one too! At about 3 the doctor came and checked me again and the time had come for pushing! They said I could only keep two people in the room and Samantha couldn't get out fast enough...I think she thought the baby might pop out and into her arms!
They warned me that first time moms sometimes push for about two hours and I thought "NO WAY". So push, push, push we did. Now, if you've never tried to push a baby out with the bottom half of your body paralyzed let me give you an idea of what it's like.... Nurse: "Okay Jessica, you have another contraction coming so we're gonna get ready to push" Me: "I do?" Nurse: "Yes, you do. Okay grandma and dad, let's hold her legs up and don't squeeze too tight because you will bruise her and not realize it. Okay... and push... push... push" Me: "Am I pushing?" It's really hard to tell if you're getting anywhere if you can't feel anything. So we did that for about an hour, pushing three or four times every couple of minutes and I was absolutely exhausted. I hadn't really slept in days and I had been fat pregnant for what seemed like years so it didn't take much to get me tired and this was HARD work. Thank goodness for the epidural because I don't think I could have coped with the exhaustion and the pain. At that point they let me lay back and rest for about 30 minutes and I'm pretty sure I fell asleep. In fact, I was so tired I was falling asleep in between pushs. After my rest the doctor came in to check on me (this is about 4:15pm). Peter had moved down a lot but was facing the wrong direction. Apparently babies should have their face toward mom's back on their way out and Peter was facing my belly. So the doctor turned him (which as you'll recall they turned him lengthwise about three weeks before). After that the doctor could tell that the pushes were much more effective and we were getting close. This whole time I still had one huge question in my mind... "will he fit?" I did NOT want to have to have gone through all this labor just to be wheeled away for a C-section at the last minute. I also knew in my heart that Peter was going to be a very big baby and the doctor had also metioned that this might have been the reason he was breech because my body just knew he wouldn't fit. So the whole time I am thinking.. "is he going to fit?" "can I still do this vaginally?" Well at about 4:30 the answer was a resounding "YES" we were about to have a baby! So I keep pushing and they start prepping the room and calling my doctor (who had said that he would stop by when he got out of the office at 5). At about 5:10 they tell me to stop pushing because the baby is almost out and the doctor is on his way. I insisted that the fabulous nurse who had been with me the whole time could just deliver him but she convinced me to wait a little longer. So Dr. Golden came in and out came Peter at 5:21pm! My epideral was still working great and because I was so excited I didn't even feel him come out. They set him on my tummy all gross and crying and at that moment... I was in love. I started crying and we took lots and lots of pictures! The nurse checked him out and cleaned him up and the doctor started the long process of stitching my back up (Peter's lovely shaped head was paid for dearly). They had to cut me and I tore a little too (a 3.5 I think)! I texted my dad (who was in New York) a picture of him and pretty soon the nurse asked if I wanted my family to come back. No sooner had she made the call than we could here Samantha (now Aunt Mantny) tearing down the hallway. The next day and a half were a little blur. I remember asking for chick-fil-a about an hour after he was born (I was starving). Seeing a number of nurses and doctors. Struggling to breastfeed. And sleeping on my tummy again... how wonderful! I'm sure I have left out some very important things, but that's all I got for now.
Update 6 months later... We are officially done paying hospital bills!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
That thing I swore I would never say
Today I said it....
That thing I swore I would never say...
That thing that so many women said to me when I was hugely and miserably pregnant....
"I wish I was pregnant again"
Usually it was surrounded by words like "I remember being so happy." "It was the most wonderful time of my life."
At the time I was 60 pounds overweight with feet like overstuffed sausages and a belly the size of a 25 pound watermelon. I heard them and I thought "You are crazy. You obviously don't remember it as well as you think you do. Why would anyone wish to be this way." in my moe selfish moments I even wished the baby would be born premature so it would be over, but I would later repent of those thoughts knowing that it was better for him the longer he stuck around. Even after I was newly unpregnant I thought " yeah, sleeping my belly, no hiccuping parasites, touching my toes.... this is the life! Why would anyone go back?" Plus then I had my beautiful son to actually look at and hold (and then joyfully put down away from me). I swore I would never say that I wished I was pregnant again.
But I said it today...
We were at a big kids clothes consignment sale and I saw them, with their little basketball sized tummies, patting their dancing bellies. And for just a passing moment I reached up for my tummy and sighed, "I wish I could feel that again". Then when I realized all I felt was stretched out flab and stretch marks the though quickly passed but it was there. I had wished to be pregnant again.
Our minds are funny things. Psychologists say our minds block out traumatic events to help us continue functioning. And I'm convinced pregnancy must fall into that category. Why else would anyone have more that one? I guess the severity of the pain determines how long the mind takes to blur over the pain. For me, it was almost exactly six months. On Friday Peter will be six months old and as I lay here in bed I remember when he used to share the same physical space as me and how wonderful that bond was.... then I roll onto my belly and I think, "nah, it's pretty nice being just me"
For now at least....
That thing I swore I would never say...
That thing that so many women said to me when I was hugely and miserably pregnant....
"I wish I was pregnant again"
Usually it was surrounded by words like "I remember being so happy." "It was the most wonderful time of my life."
At the time I was 60 pounds overweight with feet like overstuffed sausages and a belly the size of a 25 pound watermelon. I heard them and I thought "You are crazy. You obviously don't remember it as well as you think you do. Why would anyone wish to be this way." in my moe selfish moments I even wished the baby would be born premature so it would be over, but I would later repent of those thoughts knowing that it was better for him the longer he stuck around. Even after I was newly unpregnant I thought " yeah, sleeping my belly, no hiccuping parasites, touching my toes.... this is the life! Why would anyone go back?" Plus then I had my beautiful son to actually look at and hold (and then joyfully put down away from me). I swore I would never say that I wished I was pregnant again.
But I said it today...
We were at a big kids clothes consignment sale and I saw them, with their little basketball sized tummies, patting their dancing bellies. And for just a passing moment I reached up for my tummy and sighed, "I wish I could feel that again". Then when I realized all I felt was stretched out flab and stretch marks the though quickly passed but it was there. I had wished to be pregnant again.
Our minds are funny things. Psychologists say our minds block out traumatic events to help us continue functioning. And I'm convinced pregnancy must fall into that category. Why else would anyone have more that one? I guess the severity of the pain determines how long the mind takes to blur over the pain. For me, it was almost exactly six months. On Friday Peter will be six months old and as I lay here in bed I remember when he used to share the same physical space as me and how wonderful that bond was.... then I roll onto my belly and I think, "nah, it's pretty nice being just me"
For now at least....
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Baby Weight
Everything is cuter when you put the word "baby" in front of it. For instance right now I am still a little heavy... well, really I'm a little fat... let's be honest, I'm actually a lot fat...
Now before you start freaking out and saying things like, "Jessica, you're not fat" "You just had a baby" "It'll take some time" "Don't be so hard on yourself"... I know, and I'm not stressing (very much), I'm just saying, let's call it what it is... fat.
But let's call it "baby fat" and then it'll sound much sweeter. For those of you who have had babies and thought you were alone in this (or those who haven't had a baby, you really need to know this)...
When you have a baby, you're body changes.
I know, profound, right? I don't just mean that you gain a little extra weight. Like during the holidays when you gain a little extra weight and your jeans are a little tight but then you skip some dessert and do two and a half weeks of your New Year's resolution to exercise more and you are back down again. That's not what I mean. I mean, my body will NEVER be the same. Even if I lose all the weight and go back down to the weight I was before I had the baby, I'm pretty sure that the shape of my body is forever altered.
And that's okay....
I made a baby. My body carried an 8 pound 4 ounces, beautiful baby boy and wow, that's hard work. And now, I'm sustaining a baby so I'm cutting myself a little slack. Eventually I do want to get back down to my post baby weight but I'm not gonna stress until I'm DONE breastfeeding. I'm accumulating clothes that fit better now so that helps my self esteem level. I guess the stress marks (of which I have tons!) will never leave, but then I doubted I would go back to my career as a bikini model after the baby anyway... hehe.
So for the sake of transparency, here's what pregnancy did to me...
pre-pregnant Jessica:
weight: 130 pounds
dress size: 6
shirt size: small
pants size: 10
panties size: 7 or medium
bra size: 36A
full term pregnant Jessica:
weight: 190 pounds
dress size: I didn't wear things with number sizes, just things marked "maternity or large"
shirt size: large (and that was tight)
pants size: maternity large
panties size: 9
bra size: medium sports bra (nothing else was comfy)
6 months post pregnant Jessica:
weight: 160 pounds
dress size: the maternity stuff still fits but it makes me look pregnant!
shirt size: large (a medium shows off the extra tummy a little much)
pants size: 12
panties size: still a 9
bra size: 38D
My (reasonable) ideal:
weight: 125 pounds
dress size: 6 (again!)
shirt size: medium (but not clingy)
pants size: 8
panties size: 9 is fine... I like a little extra junk
bra size: I'll take the 38D thanks!
Now before you start freaking out and saying things like, "Jessica, you're not fat" "You just had a baby" "It'll take some time" "Don't be so hard on yourself"... I know, and I'm not stressing (very much), I'm just saying, let's call it what it is... fat.
But let's call it "baby fat" and then it'll sound much sweeter. For those of you who have had babies and thought you were alone in this (or those who haven't had a baby, you really need to know this)...
When you have a baby, you're body changes.
I know, profound, right? I don't just mean that you gain a little extra weight. Like during the holidays when you gain a little extra weight and your jeans are a little tight but then you skip some dessert and do two and a half weeks of your New Year's resolution to exercise more and you are back down again. That's not what I mean. I mean, my body will NEVER be the same. Even if I lose all the weight and go back down to the weight I was before I had the baby, I'm pretty sure that the shape of my body is forever altered.
And that's okay....
I made a baby. My body carried an 8 pound 4 ounces, beautiful baby boy and wow, that's hard work. And now, I'm sustaining a baby so I'm cutting myself a little slack. Eventually I do want to get back down to my post baby weight but I'm not gonna stress until I'm DONE breastfeeding. I'm accumulating clothes that fit better now so that helps my self esteem level. I guess the stress marks (of which I have tons!) will never leave, but then I doubted I would go back to my career as a bikini model after the baby anyway... hehe.
So for the sake of transparency, here's what pregnancy did to me...
pre-pregnant Jessica:
weight: 130 pounds
dress size: 6
shirt size: small
pants size: 10
panties size: 7 or medium
bra size: 36A
full term pregnant Jessica:
weight: 190 pounds
dress size: I didn't wear things with number sizes, just things marked "maternity or large"
shirt size: large (and that was tight)
pants size: maternity large
panties size: 9
bra size: medium sports bra (nothing else was comfy)
6 months post pregnant Jessica:
weight: 160 pounds
dress size: the maternity stuff still fits but it makes me look pregnant!
shirt size: large (a medium shows off the extra tummy a little much)
pants size: 12
panties size: still a 9
bra size: 38D
My (reasonable) ideal:
weight: 125 pounds
dress size: 6 (again!)
shirt size: medium (but not clingy)
pants size: 8
panties size: 9 is fine... I like a little extra junk
bra size: I'll take the 38D thanks!
Cloth Diapers: The Adventure Begins....
Before Peter was born I considered the idea of cloth diapering (cheaper, better for the environment, cheaper, good prep for possible mission living, cheaper... what else? oh yeah, it's cheaper), but my dad gave me some really good advice: use the easy disposable while he's little and you'll be changing him 100 times a day and then when things have settled down you can consider cloth. Well the time has arrived... things have settled down and I am reconsidering cloth.
Well, I'm not really considering any more, I've decided... cloth it is! I have an amazing friend (Ashley Heath) who is helping me get started. Her baby, Sarah, is a few weeks younger than Peter and she has been doing cloth for a while now. She has taught me all about it, sent me pics, written directions, and even sent me all the prefolds and covers I need! Yeah, didn't I say she was amazing? You wish she was your friend, don't you? So my prefolds arrived in the mail on Tuesday. 30 unbleached size 15-30 pound prefolds.....
Don't be freaked out (by Paul or the diapers), you probably noticed the first two things I noticed... they are huge and they are brown!
The brown is because they aren't bleached (less chemicals=good). They got much smaller in the prewashing process.
Speaking of prewashing... they have to be prewashed to strip out all the natural oils in the fabric and make them soft and absorbent. The brochure that came with them says to wash (and dry) them 5-7 times in very hot water. Ashley assured me that you could knock out a bunch of those washes by boiling them first. "Boiling" water=many times better than "hot" water. So here's the very stinky diapers boiling in my kitchen
It looks like something you would feel obligated to eat on a missions trip.
So now they've gone through one wash cycle and are drying. I just checked and they feel so soft and nice. Ashley is sending me the covers soon so I'll let you know how they go. At first we will probably just use cloth at home during the day and he will still sleep in disposable and go out in them. I just don't feel good leaving him with other people and asking them to deal with that. Fortunately (read: praise God who is so good) we have not had to buy ANY diapers and I still have FOUR BOXES and a couple packages of disposables so we are definitely good for a while.
Well, I'm not really considering any more, I've decided... cloth it is! I have an amazing friend (Ashley Heath) who is helping me get started. Her baby, Sarah, is a few weeks younger than Peter and she has been doing cloth for a while now. She has taught me all about it, sent me pics, written directions, and even sent me all the prefolds and covers I need! Yeah, didn't I say she was amazing? You wish she was your friend, don't you? So my prefolds arrived in the mail on Tuesday. 30 unbleached size 15-30 pound prefolds.....
Don't be freaked out (by Paul or the diapers), you probably noticed the first two things I noticed... they are huge and they are brown!
The brown is because they aren't bleached (less chemicals=good). They got much smaller in the prewashing process.
Speaking of prewashing... they have to be prewashed to strip out all the natural oils in the fabric and make them soft and absorbent. The brochure that came with them says to wash (and dry) them 5-7 times in very hot water. Ashley assured me that you could knock out a bunch of those washes by boiling them first. "Boiling" water=many times better than "hot" water. So here's the very stinky diapers boiling in my kitchen
It looks like something you would feel obligated to eat on a missions trip.
So now they've gone through one wash cycle and are drying. I just checked and they feel so soft and nice. Ashley is sending me the covers soon so I'll let you know how they go. At first we will probably just use cloth at home during the day and he will still sleep in disposable and go out in them. I just don't feel good leaving him with other people and asking them to deal with that. Fortunately (read: praise God who is so good) we have not had to buy ANY diapers and I still have FOUR BOXES and a couple packages of disposables so we are definitely good for a while.
Things I am looking forward to in the next few months
- hearing "mama"
- crawling
- reaching his arms for me
- crying when I leave him in the nursery (yeah, I am kind of looking forward to even that)
- eating finger foods
- hugs (not just one way)
- kisses (also not just one way)
- crawling
- reaching his arms for me
- crying when I leave him in the nursery (yeah, I am kind of looking forward to even that)
- eating finger foods
- hugs (not just one way)
- kisses (also not just one way)
"So what's it like being a mom?"
New moms, I'm sure you've heard this question before... "so what's it like being a new mom?"
If I'm being honest, the answer really depends on how my day has been, how well he has eaten, how well he has slept, etc. The best answer I think I can give is that being a mom is really hard and sometime it sucks, but being PETER'S mom is amazing!
Peter is the most amazing baby in the world. He is so happy and beautiful. I spend most of my day praising God for blessing me with such a sweetheart. I do not deserve such a wonderful baby but I also know that the Lord knows how much we can handle and He knows I probably couldn't have dealt with worse.
Like I said, being a mom is hard. I never could have imagined it would be this hard. Not just physically taxing, but mentally and emotionally as well. I've heard people say that being a mom is a "full time job"... I wish it was only 40 hours a week! Even when he is sleeping and even when someone else is watching him, I'm never really "free" of him. I'm always thinking about when he will eat again, when he will sleep again, when the last time he had a change of clothes or diaper, where he will be when he needs these things. Not to mention his future! Breastfeeding adds another dimension because not only does he need to eat, but I have to either feed him or pump for my body to keep making milk. I don't think anyone (even those who help someone else raise a baby) can really understand what it's like until you raise one. And I don't pretend to know or have all the answers (far from it!). We are just taking each day as it comes.
Now to the JOY!! I love being Peter's mom. Sometimes he will just look over at Paul or I and his eyes will light up with a smile. My mere presence delights him and that is such a wonderful feeling. It is so easy to get swept up in his love that I must make an active effort not to put my love for Peter above my love for Paul. I love to see each little development he makes. New sounds, new movements, new skills. He surprises us and himself almost every day. He also loves other people and I really like how he makes them happy too. I love to share him with others and see how he brightens their day. I just can't believe God has entrusted this sweet little thing to me to take care of. I pray each and every day that I will safeguard him well.
If I'm being honest, the answer really depends on how my day has been, how well he has eaten, how well he has slept, etc. The best answer I think I can give is that being a mom is really hard and sometime it sucks, but being PETER'S mom is amazing!
Peter is the most amazing baby in the world. He is so happy and beautiful. I spend most of my day praising God for blessing me with such a sweetheart. I do not deserve such a wonderful baby but I also know that the Lord knows how much we can handle and He knows I probably couldn't have dealt with worse.
Like I said, being a mom is hard. I never could have imagined it would be this hard. Not just physically taxing, but mentally and emotionally as well. I've heard people say that being a mom is a "full time job"... I wish it was only 40 hours a week! Even when he is sleeping and even when someone else is watching him, I'm never really "free" of him. I'm always thinking about when he will eat again, when he will sleep again, when the last time he had a change of clothes or diaper, where he will be when he needs these things. Not to mention his future! Breastfeeding adds another dimension because not only does he need to eat, but I have to either feed him or pump for my body to keep making milk. I don't think anyone (even those who help someone else raise a baby) can really understand what it's like until you raise one. And I don't pretend to know or have all the answers (far from it!). We are just taking each day as it comes.
Now to the JOY!! I love being Peter's mom. Sometimes he will just look over at Paul or I and his eyes will light up with a smile. My mere presence delights him and that is such a wonderful feeling. It is so easy to get swept up in his love that I must make an active effort not to put my love for Peter above my love for Paul. I love to see each little development he makes. New sounds, new movements, new skills. He surprises us and himself almost every day. He also loves other people and I really like how he makes them happy too. I love to share him with others and see how he brightens their day. I just can't believe God has entrusted this sweet little thing to me to take care of. I pray each and every day that I will safeguard him well.
Returning to blogging: for real this time
Okay, I know I said this before but I am for real going to start blogging again. Our days are pretty settled now (busy but settled), so I should be able to do this... just got to actually do it! I've got a few posts that I've been working on so I will put them up soon. I want to do better about sort of journalling what Peter (and Paul and I) have been up to. Lots of memories being made everyday!
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